In This Chapter
Y
influence on your career success. You can have excellent job skills and
good productivity, but if you don’t fit in with the others and your colleagues
find you difficult to work with, you’ll have a much tougher time winning promotions
and advancing up the corporate ladder.
Another equally important reason to pay attention to the relationships that
you form with others in the company is this: For better or for worse, what
goes on at work comprises the most significant portion of your social life.
You spend more time with your co-workers than you do with friends outside
of work, and in many instances, you spend more time at your job than you do
with your family.
Yes, you need to adhere to etiquette for conduct on the job. Men and women
in military service are drilled in the details of military courtesy and appreciate
the freedom from uncertainty that those guidelines provide. The rules of
courtesy in civilian life aren’t quite as rigid, but a code exists nevertheless.
Incorporate the suggestions in this chapter, and you may find Monday mornings
a lot less challenging. (For more details on behaving in the workplace,
check out my book
- Building Positive Relationships at Work
Outside of your family, you live your most important social life at work.
That’s where you spend most of your time, where you interact with the
largest number of people, and where good manners can lead directly to
raises, promotions, and a pleasant work environment. Business school may
teach you how to draw a graph of sales results, but it seldom shows you how
to use good manners as a springboard to bigger and better responsibilities.
Stay tuned. I tell you how to develop relationships at work in the following
sections.
Through all the ups and downs of life on the job, let good manners be your
trademark. Friendly greetings, cheerful participation in group activities, help
for others when they need it, and a pleasant demeanor all contribute to your
reputation as a whole person. When you practice good manners on the job,
your co-workers will cheer whatever success you achieve and will be eager to
put in a good word on your behalf if the need arises. And good manners are
good business! They give one a competitive advantage and affect the bottom
line. In a global market that is growing more competitive every day, you certainly
want to have every advantage.
- Relating to your boss
Is there still such a thing as a boss? In this era of team leaders and groupeffort
facilitators, identifying the boss isn’t always easy. But you’re on pretty
safe ground if you consider the person who writes your performance reviews
and gives you suggestions for improving your productivity to be your boss.
Here are a few guidelines for relating to your boss:
is always Mr. Jones or Ms. Edwards until the moment that Mr. Jones asks
to be called Ed or Ms. Edwards gives you permission to call her Josie.
Nine times out of ten, you can get away with unbidden informality, but
that tenth time can be a career killer. Stay with the formal title until
you’re told to use the first name. (See Chapter 11 for more details on
how to address people at the office.)
Courtesy toward the boss begins with direct address. Your supervisorgive your undivided attention.
questions, and be involved and responsive. All these things indicate
respect.
The most important courtesy that you can extend to your boss is toTake notes on her directions, ask intelligentcorridor for the first time of the day, say “Good morning” or whatever is
appropriate to the hour. When departing for the day, say “Goodbye” or
“Have a nice evening.” If you and the boss are of the same sex and you
happen to use the lavatory facilities at the same time, a simple nod is
greeting enough.
Remember that bosses issue invitations and subordinates respond.For example, your boss may invite you to take lunch with him, but you
should be hesitant to initiate that same sort of suggestion. In the same
vein, the boss should take the lead in the conversation. Subordinates
should follow the tone and subject matter that the boss sets.
speak with your immediate supervisor.
where etiquette meets company rules and regulations. Nothing upsets a
supervisor more than learning that a subordinate has lodged a complaint
with someone else. If, for some reason, the outcome of your discussion
doesn’t satisfy you, ask your supervisor to advise you of the
next step in the process. Going over the boss’s head is one of the worst
offenses you can commit on the job.
If you have any reason to complain about anything in the workplace,Dealing with grievances is- Connecting with your co-workers
Every work situation has its own set of practices and procedures. Look
around and you can see that folks in your department tend to dress alike,
make similar arrangements for lunch, discuss certain topics at length and
never mention other things, arrive and leave at certain times, and so on. In
some countries, alikeness is part of the national character and is considered
to be the very root of courtesy. That’s not quite how things are in the United
States, but even so, every workplace has established norms.
If you decide to make a personal statement by standing out (such as by
always being on time for meetings, not calling in sick too often, or displaying
a positive and upbeat attitude under all circumstances), be very sure that
you know what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Succeed in fitting in
before you try to stand out.
Be alert to the special sensitivities and needs of your co-workers as well. As
diversity in the workplace brings together people from different ethnic, cultural,
religious, and national backgrounds, you need to have a much more tolerant
and inclusive attitude than you do at home or within your private life.
Keep the following suggestions in mind when relating to your co-workers:
of your co-workers.
terms that you may have used in the past.
Learn the accepted terms for the ethnic groups, religions, and nationalitiesGet rid of the slang and sometimes disparagingpeople. Use names and titles and avoid other labels.
administrative assistant isn’t a secretary, and an information systems
specialist isn’t a computer jockey.
Companies select job titles with great care, so use those titles. Anand expertise.
peers or even managers of older workers, you need to be watchful of
your behavior in this area.
Older, more experienced co-workers are owed respect for their tenureIn today’s world, where very young people are oftenabsent for a religious observance, for example, offer to cover his responsibilities
for the day.
Be alert to people’s special needs. If one of your colleagues must bekeys to etiquette is to pay enough attention to others to be able to
modify your behavior to accommodate each person. Appropriate
responses to particular personality types are helpful for anyone wanting
to be an effective colleague.
Always remember that your co-workers are a vital part of your social life and
that good relationships on the job are paramount. However, be wary of that
fine line that’s easy to cross when co-workers become friends. Use moderation
in your exchanges so you don’t spend too much time socializing. If it’s
necessary to discuss personal issues or conduct urgent personal business in
your workplace, be brief and discreet. The best rule is to discuss personal
issues in private so you give your employer what he pays you for — your
time, focus, and work done well.
One last guideline: Don’t become known as a constant complainer or someone
who brings a bad mood to your workplace. Bring a positive attitude to
everything you do at work. You don’t have to be rude or sarcastic to say no.
Pay attention to other’s responses and personality types. One of the86
- Working in a land of cubicles
Today’s office environment is often described as
open. Instead of floor-to-ceiling walls with
latching doors, people have cubicles with halfhigh
dividers. Such an environment offers precious
little privacy for personal telephone
conversations or confidential chats with coworkers.
You can safely assume that your every
utterance is overheard, so don’t say anything
that you wouldn’t want published in the company
newsletter. And try to practice selective
deafness; don’t listen in on the activities taking
place in the cubicles adjoining your own.
Here are a few other guidelines for working in
an open environment:
Don’t twitch, jiggle your leg, or tap pencils
and other items on the table — that can be
irritating to those around you.
If you have nervous habits, break them.cubicle or in meetings. Do it all in the
restroom or at home.
Never engage in personal grooming in yourtry to select foods that don’t have strong or
unpleasant aromas
- Extending courtesy to your subordinates
Libraries have shelves full of books offering management guidelines. The
most important etiquette advice concerning your dealings with subordinates
is this: Praise in public, and criticize in private. Never let others know that
you find it necessary to chew out Richard for forgetting to lock the cash box,
but if a customer sends a note of thanks for Richard’s kind assistance, read
the letter to the whole work group.
One of the most important courtesies that you can extend to those who
report to you concerns awards, praise, and other honors that come to you in
the course of your work. If you’re honored for your performance, be sure to
mention the contributions of others who made your achievement possible. If
a ceremony of sorts is held, name those who helped. It’s no accident that
acceptance speeches at events such as the Academy Awards are the way
they are. Share the glory of the moment with your whole team, and they’ll be
eager to help you be a winner in the future.
- Showing respect to strangers
and newcomers
A new face in the workplace calls for the courtesy of introductions and an
expression of good wishes. If a third party hasn’t taken care of introductions,
take the initiative yourself. Here’s a sample script:
“Hello. My name is Jack Browne, and I’m responsible for computer maintenance.
What would you like me to call you?”
Chapter 11 has the full scoop on business introductions.
In the event that a stranger appears in your workplace, approach the situation
with both courteous behavior and a reasonable amount of caution. If
your company gives identification badges to employees and visitors, look for
a badge. Introduce yourself to the stranger and ask how you can help.
Specific rules regarding security are usually outlined in a written document
available to all employees; if your company provides such a document, follow
company policy.
- Handling Unfamiliar Situations
Countless unfamiliar situations arise in which you simply don’t know how to
behave: The boss asks you to escort an important shareholder through the
facility. You’re called to a high-level meeting involving managers several
office building and leaves everyone suffering from the heat and stale air. You
get into a traffic accident while driving a customer to the airport.
Unfamiliar situations bring out the best in people who can behave as
sensibly and gracefully as possible (as I explain in the following sections).
Communication counts in these situations. Inform your supervisor at once.
Inform the human resources office. Call plant security. Call the receptionist
and ask for help. The people who have mastered the many details of etiquette
seem to know everything, not because they actually do know everything
but because they know what to do when they don’t know what to do. In
the business world, as in society at large, self-confidence and smoothness
carry the day.
In every unfamiliar situation, consider the comfort of others. Ask questions
and confess your uncertainty. In addition, phrases like “thank you,” “please,”
and “excuse me” are how you can promote civility in your society, because
they move people to feel more kindly, more forgiving, and more empathetic
toward others. They’re words that connect people — and they’re free. So,
don’t be stingy when it comes to using them. People will appreciate your
thoughtfulness.
- Choosing to be assertive rather than rude
When a co-worker is rude or making disrespectful remarks, or arguments
arise in meetings, exercising decorum no matter how challenging it becomes
is always best. Sure, being gracious when everyone is getting along is easy.
But it takes an extra dose of character to act like a civil adult when a situation
becomes negative.
If you find you’re on the verge of responding in a less-than-polite manner, take
control, count to ten, and maintain your composure. You gain nothing by
responding to rudeness with rudeness. People are more inclined to cooperate
with those they see as considerate and courteous. They’re also more
likely to want to talk further and work with thoughtful people, because they
see that type of person as someone more like themselves. Think thoughtfully
and then speak. When you take the higher ground, you always come out feeling
better about yourself and the situation. You don’t want to gain a reputation
as a hothead.
Keeping your cool doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat, however. Try to
keep your distance for a while. You can take actions later after everyone
calms down. Depending on the seriousness of the situation, you may want to
express your opinion in a formal letter or schedule time with your supervisor
to discuss the event. Remember, problems that start off small can become
big if you let them go on very long.
To be proactive, try using the following assertive skills to manage the political
and power dynamics that run through most organizations:
mutual respect (not through bullying tactics or manipulation).
Network. Get people on your side (and you on theirs) with sincerity andundermine your efforts.
Manage intimidation. Learn to speak up and get around the blocks thator expectations. Be open to constructive criticism.
Invite reactions. Make it easy for your allies to respond to your requestsinterests, and past and current contributions.
Be visible. Get recognized and valued for your skills, special talents,opinions.
and
respect it, or you.
Claim your right to ask for help, advice, information, assistance, andBe specific, focus clearly on what it is you really want or need,ask for it. If you don’t grant yourself that right, no one else will- Ducking the limelight
You may have found yourself in meetings where you feel that you’re in unfamiliar
territory. Survive by taking a seat away from the conference table or, if
that’s not possible, by sitting as far as you can from the head of the table.
Remain silent unless called upon, and if you don’t have a useful response,
defer to another, more knowledgeable attendee.
In any situation in which you really feel out of place or out of your depth,
paste a pleasant expression on your face and be quiet. Others are probably
eager for the limelight and appreciate the absence of competition.
- Asking for advice during meals
A business lunch or dinner gives you an opportunity to form stronger bonds
with your colleagues, clients, and managers. If you’re caught off guard,
remember that you’re only a human being, and asking for help is always
appropriate. Your co-workers and even your manager may be just as perplexed
as you are — or they may be flattered by being asked to display their
expertise.
So if you’re caught in a restaurant where the foods are strange, the wine list is
incomprehensible, and the table manners are foreign, confess your need for
advice. Ask your host for help. If necessary, ask your host to order for you. If
you’re the host, ask your server for advice. (You can also find more information
about dining in Chapter 12 and wine in Chapter 13.)
Are you headed out to eat with a guest who has special needs? Ask about his
preferences first. You don’t want to take a vegetarian to a steakhouse, and a
person who follows Jewish or Islamic dietary laws won’t enjoy a barbecue
place. Remember that you can always phone ahead and ask the restaurant
about provisions for people with special dietary needs.
- Bridging the language gap
It’s a small world, and business brings people from all cultures together. You
may find yourself in a meeting with a foreign visitor, or you may find yourself
sent off to a country with a language you don’t understand. A language gap is
a great opportunity for good manners to shine.
The best course of action is a little preparation. With as little as a single day
of warning, you can obtain a phrase book and learn a few words of common
courtesy — “Good morning,” “Please,” “Thank you,” “I’m pleased to meet
you,” “My name is Adam Smith,” and “Goodbye.” Making an effort to communicate
in another person’s language shows your respect for that person.
After you establish that you’re friendly and interested in the needs of your
foreign guests, things ease up considerably. Large companies almost always
have at least one employee who can serve as an interpreter. Ask for assistance
in locating someone who can help. (See Chapter 19 for more information
about interacting with people from other cultures.)
- Apologizing as your final fallback
You really did it. You spilled coffee on the carpet in your boss’s office. You
went through an entire meeting calling one of the participants by the wrong
name. You broke the glass trophy that a co-worker won at last year’s golf
tournament. Don’t try to make your official apology while other business is
being conducted. Do your best to minimize the damage and, at the same
time, continue with the business at hand. Wait for the meeting to end before
you try to patch things up. Then express your apology in writing with a brief,
sincere note. (Chapter 8 has general tips on writing a note of apology.)
Note that such a letter is most effective when submitted immediately after
the incident. The longer you wait to express your regrets, the less effective
your gesture is.
